Wow! I’ve been away from my blog for a long time! Sorry peeps!

Where the hell is Mana-sama now? What’s he’s current project? Gomen nasai, Mana-sama! I haven’t been your faithful servant lately. :p

Got something for you guys! Am so loving this song. This is on repeat mode on my I-Touch the whole day (and maybe for the whole week). Easier said (or sang) than done. But I think I’m gonna do it.

Drug: Live Like We’re Dying

Manufactured by: Kris Allen

Dosage: On repeat till you’re sick of it.

Side Effects: You’re a changed person. Carpe diem! You do not hesitate to grab that opportunity. You love. You hurt. You laugh. You cry.  Spontaneously. With no regrets. You live. You’re free.

Sorry for the BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG gap from the last post. So here it goes…

WARNING: The next paragraph is Rated-18. May contain graphic violence and murderous thoughts.

I was too naïve to think that that moment would last because suddenly I got hit. I felt like I got hit by a bulldozer or something and my body was pressed against the metal divider. Yappari. Those three damned girls behind us before the concert started. They were so restless, they were shifting in their places like wriggly worms. They so desperately wanted to move up front and they did just that. I tried to push them with all my might, but what could I do against three crazy Gothic Lolitas with sumo wrestler bodies. I was just thinking, “Ok, the space will loosen up a bit sooner or later,” as my ribs were being whacked against the metal divider.

The crowd was shouting. Oooh! and Aaaaahs! everywhere. High-pitched screams of “Mana-sama!” now and then. Also there were low werewolf-like screams which went like, “Awwwooooo! Seth-san! Awwwwoooo!” I like to kill that sucker…

Ok, time to get a picture, I thought. But as I looked around no one seemed to be taking pictures or even holding a camera. But then I thought, “Maybe, they’ve taken too many pictures of Man-sama already.” And “Maybe they don’t like taking pictures.” So I held up my Canon TX1 camera and took a picture without flash, of course, because that would be really rude. Then somebody at the back screamed in Japanese, which I interpreted like, “Hey, you can’t take pictures in here!” So I put my camera back in my bag right away and thought, “Maybe, no one’s really allowed to take pictures.” No one told us. Even that guy whom we got our ticket from never said anything. A let out a sigh and then suddenly someone hit me, again. This time, it was a knock in the head. At that time I really wanted to scream a thousand curses at whoever that was. The problem was Mana-sama was too near to me, he could have heard me screaming. I mean, WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT!!! WHOEVER THAT WAS, I HOPE YOU’RE READING THIS. F*** YOU!!! And to think that Japanese people are supposed to be respectful.

Keep it cool, I said. Remember what you came here for. So I let out a sigh for the Nth time and focused on the concert. I did try to focus. But what can you do that if every five seconds the girl next to you headbangs and her hair extensions (Mind you, 99% of them wore hair extensions) whips your face again and again. Murderous thought were spilling from by brain to my blood and I just wanted to put their lights out.

And did I mention what happened to the old guy who was accompanying those 2 European girls whom I mentioned a while ago? The last thing I saw of him was that his head was being knocked on again and again by some Lolita who was doing this rock sign. And when she grew tired she rested her arm on his head. Haha! Pretty hilarious.

Anyway… it was a three hour concert. They played a whole lot of songs. Mana-sama went close to the audience so they could touch his guitar. But I didn’t touch his guitar. He threw flowers and guitar picks around. They all fell directly on top of my head, but I didn’t get any. Why? Because I was too awestruck to move, that’s why. Fine, call me puny or whatever, I don’t care. I can’t do anything. I was under a spell. There was a Q&A portion and they gave some stuff away. We sang happy birthday to Mana-sama and after that he blew his birthday candles. How cute!:) They played a few songs and at the finale, Mana-sama raised his white guitar. Amazing.

After the concert, my SO and I talked to some people, hoping to get a private audience with Mana-sama, unfortunately, only selected people get to see him. But there’s this personnel from Liquid Room who volunteered to give the gift to Mana-sama’s manager directly. Whoa, what a guy! J Oh yeah, and while waiting for a cab in front a Liquid Room, I caught a glimpse of K as he was loading some stuff in his jeep, without his make-up. He’s scary either way. Sorry K fans! :p

This was definitely the BEST and the WORST rock concert I have ever been to. Moi Dix Mois concert is hell. Forget that you’re even in Japan anymore. Get ready to get trampled by Gothic Lolitas. What can I say, LOVE THE BAND, HATE THE CROWD.

Oh yeah, and I wanna share to you THE pics that cost me shit.

The Moon’s Fifth Night, as Mana-sama fans know, is a celebration of Mana-sama’s birthday with his fans. Last March 22, I was in Liquid Room, Tokyo, to experience it all. It was also my first time to lay eyes on the very enchanting Mana-sama. And he was very enchanting indeed.

Like attending any other people’s birthday party, I make sure I bring a gift. So two weeks before the concert, I thought intently about what gift to give to the wonderful Mana-sama. I had quite a few in mind at that time, but I couldn’t decide which one was the best. Then, Manikako at the Podium happened. An inspiration struck me. What’s the best gift in the whole damned world that you could offer? (Well, aside from giving your whole being to somebody.) It’s something unique. A one of a kind. So I made him this.

Yaaaay! I really have to praise myself for accomplishing this. WAS NOT AN EASY TASK, I tell you. I was at this every night for a week and a half. Sucked my brain juices out, this little fellow. Oh, but it turned out to be so cute. I didn’t want to give it away… I miss you Mana doll.

The day of the concert came, got my tickets and waited at the lobby.

I brought my SO with me to the concert and, man, was he so out of place. We were really giggling about it while waiting. As expected, there were TONS of Lolitas running around. Some of them looked like normal Gothic Lolitas all in Moi-meme-Moitie garb. There are some freaky ones and some cheesy ones.

Then a guy from the venue started calling ticket numbers and lining people at the entrance. Lucky me for being a Mon Amour member, my ticket numbers are 7 and 8. I feel like being at first class all the way… Until the concert began…

It was unbelievable how close we were to the stage. We were standing at the front row near the middle. There was this metal divider at the front so we took the right side cause as we all know, in Moi dix Mois, Mana-sama’s always at the left side of the stage.

While we were waiting for the concert to start, this European girl in front of me noticed the bag that I was carrying (a very noticeable Totoro bag, that’s why. LOL! ) and started speaking to me in Japanese. But her Japanese wasn’t quite comprehendible so I just goggled at her. When she realized that I couldn’t understand her, she asked if I could speak English and offered me the space in front her where I could put my bag in. I declined gracefully and said thanks. Wow, how kind of her, I thought. What I never thought I would find out was that she was the only person there who was in a right state of mind.

There was this girl at my right and she was alone. While we stood there, she was clasping her Mon Amour Pendant like it’s the only thing that will save her life. And she was doing these weird arm gestures that looked like sentai stances or something. My comment: Peaceful weirdness.

Then the lights dimmed. Oh, we knew it. It has begun. The curtain was parted and Moi dix Mois was there in front of us at an arms reach. All of them were looking up and had their arms held up high. Ah, very classic…

My eyes were shimmering like an anime character in front of my idol. Haha! I never knew I could feel something like that. It was SOOOO COOL!

…Oooops! End of Moon’s Fifth Night Part 1. Will post part 2 in the coming week. More concert details and pics coming up!

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I’ve mentioned before, somewhere in this blog, that I’m very fond of ball-jointed dolls, especially those made by Dream of Doll. My friend, Jen, informed me two weeks ago about this fund-raising activity at The Podium where dolls are going to be exhibited and members from ManikaManila, an organization of BJD owners in the Philippines, are going to be volunteering. I said, Wow, cool! Maybe a ManikaManila member will bring her Dream of Doll BJD! We went on the first day of the event and that’s where I learned what the exhibit was all about.

It was an exhibit of “rag dolls” contributed by various artists. Some of the contributors were even national artists such as Malang. Their works will be auctioned off and the proceeds will help fund Manikako (“my doll” in Filipino), a project of ArtHOC (House of Comfort Art Network), a non-profit organization that provides children with free art workshops.

The dolls were made from used materials that have been collected through drop-boxes all over Metro Manila. Anyone can be a big help just by dropping their old stuff in Manikako bins. One can contribute to the fund-raiser by buying DIY doll kits. A base doll costs 150php and 250php for a customized one. I got myself a base doll and a customized one! Guess who I wanted made into a doll. Thanks to Kishi for the Mana-sama pics!

I was happy to meet people who were also familiar with Mana-sama. Cause when I handed out this picture as a reference for the doll, the volunteers were like “Mana! Mana!” It was so cool. I was also happy because of ArtHOC’s movement to develop art appreciation among kids. As an artist myself, I know how art can make me feel fulfilled and empowered. It has a become a way for me to express myself and my emotions when I can neither say nor write them.

To ArtHOC, Manikako, ManikaManila, Mistula and to the people who contributed — BANZAI!!!

***Proud member of ManikaManila!

I told myself that I won’t be like all the other women in love stories and soap operas whose lives fell into pieces the moment they meet the “love of their life.” This love who has proved to be naive, inconsiderate, cold and short-tempered.

But then again, how did those stories end? Wasn’t theirs a happy one? Or did I just imagine it?

Apparently, most of the women born in this world are bound to such fate. For them to be destroyed by some loser and be reborn from the ashes like the phoenix in all its glory and radiance.

But I didn’t say that the phoenix can’t be killed. But it has an amazing ability to be reborn again and again.

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This paragraph has been edited as it contains NOT pure hatred, but hatred nonetheless. It kinda sounded cheesy as it got longer.

!@#$%^&*&^$#&*)(&%$##%^&*)((#Q#$(*&Q#$)(&Q%)(&Q)%#^&$^$&)#()Q(#%(#^…

——————————————————————————————

My Dad told me, as I was crying my eyes out at Shakey’s 2 days before Christmas, “A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.” I’ve somehow blamed myself that I pushed you to hate me because I spoke of many useless words that didn’t help our situation. I was sad and lonely, lost and longing, abandoned and jealous. I felt ill to the guts. And I said, “You don’t have power over me anymore.” I ate my words too soon. I found myself fallen into depression as Christmas approached. They say, “Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned.” You scorned me. But I didn’t want to let go of you yet. Not like that. Not while we’re miles apart. Not with that bitch for your neighbor.

Today, we had an argument. You were working and didn’t want to be disturb. But I just asked how you were doing, didn’t I? I showed concerned for your selfish ass, didn’t I? But you brushed me off like a paid whore.

Hear my words when I say, I DON”T WANT TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. That you’ll just be nice to me WHEN YOU WANT TO and I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. That’s a fucked up life. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT if you don’t want me to get fed up about all these. Yes, I ALSO get FED UP. I WILL GET ANGRY WHEN I WANT TO and if getting ANGRY too will be your ANSWER then, FUCK YOU. Yes, I’M SCARED that YOU”LL GET ANGRY AGAIN the way you did this CHRISTMAS, but I WILL NOT lose my IDENTITY just so I could get to YOUR GOOD SIDE. I LOVE YOU, but I’M NOT YOUR TOY. I WANT TO RESPECTED AS THE PERSON I AM.

I don’t want to be my Mom… obedient and silent. You’re becoming more like your Mom… cold and indifferent.

P.S. I’m scared for the mere fact that you’ll read this post and get mad… It’s so sad that I’ve come to feel like this about you…

The song playing is “Way Back Into Love” … I hear Drew singing “I’ve been living with a shadow overhead. I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed. I’ve been lonely for so long.Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on…”

Exactly what I am feeling…

Last night, like many other nights, I was hunted by my past… A past that I wished have never happened… If I could turn back time, I will be there to stop it… I would get there, no matter how far, no matter how difficult, no matter the cost… If I could have prevented you from liking somebody else… So I can be the one who made you smile and laugh… to be the one you hang out with… the one you talk to when you couldn’t sleep… the one you share your excitement with… the one you share your cooking with… the one you go to work with… the one you share your ideas and jokes with… sing karaoke until the morning… chat with until the sunrise… write to… care about if I smile or not… sleep on my carpet… to be the ONLY ONE…

I never expected that of all the people that you have to be with, she’s the one whom you’ve taken a liking to… I was most comfortable with her around… I was wrong… I know now that physical appearance is not your thing… It’s what makes you happy… It was her carefree character… her audacity and being dynamic… and energetic towards life…

I knew that at that time, I couldn’t be the person she was… because I was missing a part of myself… we were miles apart… I just couldn’t be the same… I couldn’t smile or laugh in the same way when you’re around… I couldn’t go to places cause familiar places remind me of you… and new places, I want to share that excitement with you…

But you tell me, “Life shouldn’t stop for you and me…”

God knows the countless night I’ve cried…staring at my monitor…waiting for you to go online… just to see your face…to hear your voice… I would wait and wait… Not caring about the hours that pass by, nor the strain in my eyes, nor the tiredness of my body… Like the goal of my living was to see you every night, and the misery I felt will only end the moment I hear the sound of Wengo Phone ringing…

Torture… That’s what it was…

Tears are flowing… My wounds are still open… Maybe I should stop for tonight…

Last December 28 to January 7 was the most exciting, fun-filled, and interesting 11 days of my life. I spent 6 unforgettable days in Osaka and 5 days in Tokyo, Japan with my SO.

January 2, my first shopping experience in Mana-sama’s boutique located in the 5th floor of Maruichi (0101) near the West Entrance of Shinjuku Station.

Was VERY EXCITED!!!!

When I got to the 5th floor, I was kinda disappointed because the space still looked like I was still in a department store as opposed to private enclosed spaces which boutiques ought to be. I was expecting that Mana-sama’s boutique was supposed to be wonderful. So I turned left from the escalator, I already saw h.Naoto, but still no sign of Moi-même-Moitié, but then, near the end of the hallway, there it was, an old European-fortress-inspired entrance to a gothic sanctuary, Moi-même-Moitié!

I then took out my camera to take a picture of the entrance, and then a lady from the department store came to me and told me that taking pictures was prohibited. But she was too late, I’ve already stolen a shot. Apparently, there was really a sign on the entrance, but I wasn’t able to notice it because I was so excited. You can’t really blame me… So, I’m not gonna put up the pic here because I respect Mana-sama and if he says “no pictures,” I’ll have to obey that with all my heart… (as cheesy as that may have sounded, I don’t give a damn!)

His store is the coolest boutique ever! It was very warm inside, I had to take off my jacket. I took a look around and I’ve noticed that the attendants were really quiet, in fact the entire boutique was really quiet. Not that I have any problem with it. Then I saw this one piece that looked absolutely nice and decided to try it on. I had my SO talk to the attendant in Japanese because my Japanese wasn’t that fluent and I didn’t want to stress myself with the language, I was just thinking of all the very beautiful clothes around me! Then I was shown to the fitting room by this girl, 石井さん (looked at her name tag), who was very friendly by the way, (well, most Japanese are, especially to customers) which was at the center of the boutique and guess what! Their dressing room was a coffin! Very nice! I was very thrilled just by trying on a dress! Haha! Who would have known!

I was also kinda worried at the time when I was fitting the dress because Moi-même-Moitié clothing only comes in one size (M), but I was very happy to know that the dress fitted me perfectly.I felt like I was trying on my bridal gown or something. I also tried on a skirt, but I ended up buying the one piece and a pair of socks. At the counter, I had my purchase gift-wrapped and I was given a Moi-même-Moitié point card, which has 20 stamp slots to fill in. To get one stamp, you have to purchase 10,000yen worth of items (not including items on sale). After completing the point card, you get a gift! Yey!I wonder what gift is worth 200,00 yen of Moi-même-Moitié stuff?

I went back to the store the next day to buy another pair of socks, a pair of lace gloves, and a choker. More items, more points! Yes, I’m an obsessive-compulsive point collector!!! WARNING: Moi-même-Moitié will drain your pant pockets! But Moi-même-Moitié really does have lovely dresses and the craftsmanship is superb. Definitely the couture of Gothic Lolita fashion.

My SO who doesn’t really go for Gothic Lolita fashion was even mesmerized by everything that Moi-même-Moitié has to offer, from the feel of the place to the clothing and accessories they sell. If you’re really into Gothic Lolita / Aristocrat clothing and want the best the world has to offer, there’s nowhere to go but here.

If you have time in your hands, please do visit Moi-même-Moitié. You’ll find that you just can’t leave the store without buying anything. The other branch is in Hiroshima. I’d like to go visit the place sometime.

Hail Mana for creating Moi-même-Moitié!!!

Drug: Filth in the Beauty

Manufactured by: The GazettE

Dosage: When you’re losing (or have already lost) it and you wanna let it all out without hurting anybody. Perfect for schizos.

After Effects: F*****g hard rock!!! Yeah, growl baby… No need to understand what I’m saying… Just go with the rhythm till your heart pumps to the sound of the drums… Feel as I suck out the destruction from your shivering body… Sway your body from left to right… Move your head in circles… Come to me, only I can rescue you…

Drug: Filth in the Beauty

Manufactured by: The GazettE

Dosage: When you’re losing (or have already lost) it and you wanna let it all out without hurting anybody. Perfect for schizos.

After Effects: F*****g hard rock!!! Yeah, growl baby… No need to understand what I’m saying… Just go with the rhythm till your heart pumps to the sound of the drums… Feel as I suck out the destruction from your shivering body… Sway your body from left to right… Move your head in circles… Come to me, only I can rescue you…

View The GazettE page.

Drug: Cassis

Manufactured by: The GazettE

Dosage: When you’re a mix of desperation, pleading, regret, hope and courage for love.

After Effects: You’ll be a fool for love, like everybody else. Need more proof? The GazettE even made a song about it. Now you believe me? Good.

I’ll drop dead on the spot if someone I really love sings this to me… “Please look only at me…” I mean, you couldn’t really resist someone (preferably someone you like) who tells you that, right???

Drug: Cassis

Manufactured by: The GazettE

Dosage: When you’re a mix of desperation, pleading, regret, hope and courage for love.

After Effects: You’ll be a fool for love, like everybody else. Need more proof? The GazettE even made a song about it. Now you believe me? Good.

I’ll drop dead on the spot if someone I really love sings this to me… “Please look only at me…” I mean, you couldn’t really resist someone (preferably someone you like) who tells you that, right???

So I’ve been gone for two long months. The reason is… I got my DREAM JOB!

Profession: 3D Artist

Woohoo! There’s nothing like going to work everyday! It’s really challenging and it takes a LOT of creativity. At the end of the day, I feel like the Dementors sucked the life force out of me, BUT… I go home happy and looking forward to the next working day. 3D’s definitely an upper I’ll always intake. *Sigh* …don’t wanna know how it feels without… I’m one big masochist for 3D. XSI can tie me to a post and spank my ass anytime!

Next thing on my list: gotta have my hands on that electric guitar and gotta have more gothic lolita stuff.

Hail Mana!

After 2 months of being non-existent in my blog, I’m back!!!

What’s up universe???!!!

Anyway, in my last post, I mentioned that I’d be posting the results of my online poll. I said that I’d be posting it after a few weeks, but it’s already been a few MONTHS since then…. I’M SORRY!!! To all of you whom I have let down, here’s a cute cute teddy bear.

Anyway, going straight to the point: 82.8% voted “AWESOME!!! and 17.2% voted “GRUESOME!!!”

What can I say, gotta love this duo.