When I posted Why I hate Gackt and Juka, somehow, it had me rethinking about reading Gackt’s autobiography. As much as I dislike Gackt, I also wanted to know what he has to say. Yes, I AM open-minded.
So I did. I DID read his autobiography. It never occurred to me, even in my deepest, darkest imagination, that I would actually read such a manuscript. Good for me though. I’ve found more things to make fun of him.
Today, let me share to you the funny stuff. (How weird the English from the quoted parts might seem, I have nothing to do with that. I copied them verbatim.)
JIHAKU
Section 1 Chapter 1 – My Near-Death Experiences as a Child and Life in the Hospital Isolation Ward
“…I was fascinated by death…”
–> I think Gackt has been watching too much anime. His childhood was like ripped off from some anime villain’s childhood. 
Section 2 Chapter 2 – A Motorcycle Accident That Showed Me My Limits
“My first car was a Toyota Toreno. Called an “86,” it was a famous car with the car clubs. It was the car of the guy from the “Initial D” manga.”
–> Told you he’s been watching too much anime or reading too much manga…
Section 2 Chapter 3 – The Anguish of my Marriage and Divorce to a Korean Woman
“The time when I was nineteen was when I was born. So, as of now, I am still a child. And therefore, my mental age is probably young.”
–>Talking about being mentally retarded!
“If, just before I die, there is someone who wants to be with me until the end and she wants to be legally married with me, and there is proof of us having lived together, I will probably legally marry her.”
–>Girls, think about this offer! Think about the lump of cash you’ll inherit from this marriage!
“But I will never have children. I feel pity for any child who would have my genes.”
–>Hahahaha! Do I still need to comment?
Section 3 Chapter 4 – The Last Revolving Lantern
“As I was conscious of my death, the thought of sex suddenly floated up into my head.”
–>Sheeesh, what a sex maniac… Even during a near-death experience…
“Little by little, I started to change the people around me. Maybe on that day, I took another step across what it means to be human.”
–>At last, he’s evolving!
Section 3 Chapter 5 – Duel in Madagascar
“In that instant, I thought that I was going to kill my opponent. It was an awareness of my own self that I had forgotten, and I was prepared to break his neck. His neck was just below me, twitching. All the villagers and the referee came running in a panic, taking my hand and stopping me.”
–> He should have just killed the guy so he’ll be locked up in prison!
Section 4 Chapter 1 – My First Love, My First Girlfriend
“A kiss is the same as shaking hands or hugging. It is my way of expressing my feelings of ‘I trust you.’ When women cry? I kiss them then too.”
–>I don’t think I wanted to be trusted by Gackt or either cry in front of him…
Section 4 Chapter 3 – The Correlation between Women and Cars
“I feel that my standards for choosing a car and my standards for choosing a girl are very similar. The kind of car that I like and the kind of girl that I like are very close, I think.”
–>Gackt, if you get desperate, at least you always have your car to hump…
Section 4 Chapter 5 – Sex and Love
“It’s a feeling of thirst. I kept thirsting after sex. I couldn’t go without it. That was the only thing on my mind. I was seriously worried that in being like that, wasn’t I just a monkey?”
–>Yup, came out from your own mouth, didn’t it?
“I was not satisfied like that. I was sick; there was something wrong with me.Though you might be laughing, in those days, I was seriously worried about this.”
–>Oh please let me laugh about it just for a few seconds or else my lungs will burst!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! But seriously, yes, you’re sick, sick sick.
“I often think “I really like this person” or “I love this person.” However, these feelings are spur of the moment. It doesn’t matter whether the person is a man or a woman. Take Hyde, for example. When I’m with him, I always think “Wow, this guy is so amazing.” That’s also love, or feelings very close to love. That smile is a sin. Since I first met him, I have thought that it would be great if Hyde was a girl. But dammit, he’s a man! If he was a girl, I would probably fall for him. I really go for types like him. No matter what they say, I’ll listen. If he or she said “Come here now,” I’d leave work and go. The type of girl that I look for is gentle type like Hyde. If there was a girl like him, I think I would fall for her. ”
–>OMG! I’m having a nosebleed! Well, we all know that Gackt’s not the first one to be smitten by Haido-sama, is he?
Section 5 Chapter 1 – My World is Made of Lives
“I want to make people laugh, but I’m probably the kind of person who isn’t able to do that.”
–>Oh, well, Gackt, that’s because you haven’t met me yet! You make me laugh… AT YOU! Hahahahah!
Section 5 Chapter 2 – On Late-night Drives, Melodies are Born
“When writing lyrics, I want to use Japanese to its utmost. I love the beauty of the Japanese language. So I don’t use English if I can help it. Compared to other artists, my ratio of English usage is extremely small.”
–>It’s probably because you don’t know English…
Section 5 Chapter 3 – My Room is a Castle Underground Dungeon
“The thing that concerns me the most is not wanting to make my home comfortable. I want my house to be a place that makes me want to go outside.
My house is a place where people can gather. It is a place where your spirit can gather. I want it to be a place that gathers energy together. If the inside of a house is always like that, energy accumulates. If that happens, you feel like going outside. If you always stay in a dark room, your spirit becomes heavy. If that happens, I think that you would want to get out. To rest your soul, you could go to a place like the park. If you are looking for something bright and cheerful, it’s all right to go outside, because the sun is out there. Outside, many ideas and opportunities can come to life. However, if you become comfortable at home, you never go outside and that never happens. That’s nonsense. ”
–>YOU’RE nonsense!
Section 5 Chapter 4 – Knives and the Survival Game
“When I was 16, I was attacked. I was stabbed in the leg with a blade about 20 centimeters long. Also, I was slashed above my eyelids. Since then, I have always carried a knife with me when I go out, like Rambo.”
–>Why, oh why didn’t you die at that time???!!!
Section 5 Chapter 5 – The Importance of Fights
“In the end, I wonder if violent fights are something that lead us to be able to apologize when that single world “Warukatta” [lit: "It was bad" / "I was wrong"] is hard to say at other times. The two of you punch the lights out of each other, and then to confirm that you were both stupid, you say, “I was wrong” – “No, I was wrong,” and maybe it’s an opportunity for you to practice saying this. ”
–>What’s this? Am I still reading Jihaku? Gackt is actually making sense!
Section 5 Chapter 6 – The Feelings Towards “Moon” that I Continue to Chase
“I knew that everyone had seen the video clip “Another World,” but while I was making that video clip, I was thinking that it would be perfect as the preview to the movie “Moon Child.”"
–>Take out half of the violence in “Moon Child” then it’d be a perfect movie.
“I am the moon. I dimly light the road, and the only thing I can do is point it out to you. But when you all take that one step forward, I will gently, quietly watch over you.”
–>Oh, Gackt. Why when it’s you who say it, it sounds so CHEESY!!!
Section 5 Chapter 7 – An Unending Vision of the Future
“If there are people who continue to chase after my life and the things I do in the future, those people will surely say “he was a really interesting guy” when I die. I think this because my life has been filled with so many troubles, beyond the imaginations of anyone out there. Through all that, I felt that I can greatly move people. That is the meaning of my existence.”
–>For all Gackt’s worth, I want to say, I was deeply moved by Moon Child in ways no one can comprehend. After watching the movie, I felt like a part of me has died.
Mana-sama showed you the road to greatness and this is how you repay him?!
Ha! Suckers!
